Sometimes you just don’t need words….
No Words Needed…..
Sometimes you just don’t need words….
Category: Philosophy
The Final Promise:…..Do Your Best, Always
Fourth of a four-part series based on “The Four Agreements – A Toltec Wisdom Book”, by Ruiz
There are four personal promises which might transform your life. This is the fourth, and hardest, of these promises. Promise to:
- Choose your words carefully;
- Take nothing personally;
- Never make assumptions;
- Do your best, always.
Your third personal promise –Do your best, always:
The simplest promise will be the hardest to keep, if no other reason than you will lie to yourself. Your best; a simple concept, or is it? Your best will be different, for the same task, every time you attempt it. It will be different when you are sick verses healthy, rested versus tired, etc. Circumstances don’t matter, just do your best and be honest about your effort. By honestly doing your best you will avoid regret, self-deprecation, and self-judgement.
Everything in life is in flux. Therefore, so is your ‘best’. Sometimes your best will be high quality at other times, not as good in comparison. The promise is, regardless of the circumstances, to do no more and no less than your best, on the moment. Trying to do more than your best will expend unnecessary energy and, in the end, may not yield any better result. Doing less is simply breaking your promise and opening yourself to regret and self-doubt. It doesn’t matter if you are sick, tired, healthy, or refreshed, your best is your best.
You do your best because it’s the right thing to do not for any external reward, but to the integral reward of self fulfilment. Too many perform tasks for an external reward. Doing the arduous, unfulfilling tasks for a raise, a promotion, or to impress. Doing tasks at the best of your ability for yourself is satisfying and will usually result in intangible as well as tangible benefits. The most intangible benefit is you will be happy with yourself. And these days this is very important.
This promise underpins all the others. If you fail this one the others are destined to fail as well. When you do your best you learn to accept and appreciate yourself. You learn how to press and expand your limits and horizons expand. You will enjoy the moment. You will be able to find something to enjoy even in the hardest times. You will find doing your best enables you to keep your other promises. It will be easier to find impeccable words, to not take anything personally, and to not make assumptions. All because you are doing your best to keep those promises.
However, just know you will fail and break these promises. And that’s ok. At least you are trying. You learn more from failure than you do from success. Give yourself a break and honestly recognize your failures. Embrace them and recommit to the promises. Recommit even for an hour, a day, a week. The time will extend with every re-commitment. Your life and the lives of those you care about will improve.
Thanks for your interest and reading….#NeverFearTheDream
Third Promise…Never Make Assumptions
Third of a four-part series based on “The Four Agreements – A Toltec Wisdom Book”, by Ruiz
There are four personal promises which might transform your life. This is the third of these promises. Promise to:
Your third personal promise –Never make assumptions:
Clear communication with others, at best, is complicated and difficult. Be curious and courageous by asking them questions without making assumptions. Don’t think you know the width and breadth of their comments without asking them questions. The real danger of assumptions is we believe they are true without discovery. They are based on your experience and are likely to be significantly different than the speakers’ intent and direction.
The sadness and drama we witness, and experience is rooted in us making assumptions and taking things personally (breaking our second promise). It is always better to listen empathically and ask questions rather than setting yourself up for pain by assuming. We see and hear what we want to based on our experiences, motivations, and fear. We don’t want to hear anything contrary. We perceive things the way we want , not necessarily how they really are or how others see them.
Our biggest assumption is believing everyone sees life the same way as ourselves. Assume they think the way we think, feel and judge the same way. Or worse yet, we believe they should. Assuming our common experiences overshadow our uncommon ones, which are the ones which make us unique in a society. We must ask and probe to uncover peoples’ real meaning and intent. We simply cannot assume what they are.
Making assumptions in a relationship is more likely to result in conflict rather than accord. They will lead to more misunderstandings, difficulties, and suffering with those we care for than anyone else. We must have the courage to ask them questions before we embark on justifying and explaining to make ourselves feel safe. Make them feel safe first by truly understanding their intent and meaning. You shouldn’t fear being yourself with your loved ones. Love them unconditionally. We are all different and our task isn’t to change them but accept them; as we want them to accept us.
Keep yourself focused on not making assumptions by practicing asking questions and being interested; not judgmental. As you begin to learn how easy it can be to ask questions you will find it easier to ask for what you want as well. Everyone has the right not to answer your questions, but you will never really know unless you initiate the questions.
UP NEXT: DO YOUR BEST, ALWAYS #NeverFearTheDream
Four Personal Promises: Second…. Take Nothing Personally
Second of a four-part series based on “The Four Agreements – A Toltec Wisdom Book”, by Ruiz
There are four personal promises which might transform your life. This is the second of these promises. Promise to:
- Choose your words carefully;
- Take nothing personally;
- Never make assumptions;
- Do your best, always.
Your second personal promise –Take nothing personally:
This world doesn’t revolve around you. It just doesn’t. Your delusional perspective of your personal importance is an expression of your selfishness. What others do and say is a reflection of their reality, which you should respect, but don’t assume it has anything to do with you.
By taking things personally you set yourself up for failure, suffering, abuse, easily become prey, and suffer for nothing. You unnecessarily absorb the pain of others reality. By taking things personally you feel offended and therefore must defend yourself and your beliefs. But do you really have to? If you keep your promise you will acknowledge those words reflect the speaker not you. They probably didn’t keep their first promise which means you must keep your second.
Your point of view is yours just as theirs is theirs. Their words don’t have to be your truth and certainly not worth getting mad or angry about. Getting mad, angry, and defensive discloses your fears and insecurities. Their words have affected you because you choose to let them, not because you are the target. You choose to be a victim. Rather, listen and try to assess what is behind their words. What is making them angry and upset. Don’t add to it by trying to defend yourself.
Watch people and determine if their words follow their action; or are they just lying to you. Don’t expect people to always tell the whole truth, sometimes it’s just too painful, doesn’t fit their agenda, or they are just afraid. If they are lying, there is clearly no reason for you to take what they say personally.
The caveat to this promise is: if your actions or words have caused them pain, suffering, or damage you need to accept responsibility. You need to acknowledge you’ve hurt them, personally, and in fact you must take their words personally and make restitutions.
UP NEXT: NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS #NeverFearTheDream
Four Personal Promises
First of a four-part series based on “The Four Agreements – A Tolec Wisdom Book”, by Ruiz
There are four personal promises which might transform your life. Easily made and so hard to keep; like most promises. These promises are to yourself for yourself. No one will know if you’ve kept them or not; only you, and you are the only one who counts. Promise to:
- Choose your words carefully;
- Take nothing personally;
- Never make assumptions;
- Do your best, always.
Your first personal promise –Choose your words carefully:
The words you speak or write reflect you for all the world to hear and see. Say what you mean; not what you think others want to hear. Express the truth without deriding or belittling anyone, especially yourself.
Your words are your power. They can build as easily as they can destroy. They are your force in the world. Your power to communicate and express your beliefs and opinions. But remember, they are your beliefs and opinions, not others. They are formed from your experiences, your beliefs, your aspirations, and especially by your ego.
Your words can be enduring, so be careful. Those who hear and read your words are absorbing and growing. They are trying to grow and learn just as you are. Your words can be thoughtful, inspiring, and uplifting. They can also be shallow, self-serving, hateful, and spread fear. There is enough of the later and not enough of the former. If your words spread hate, maybe just maybe you should keep them to yourself.
They are swords which can cut deeply in both ways. On one side the edge of truth and dignity. On the other, hate and lies. As you wield your sword be keenly aware of which blade is cutting. You are responsible for choosing your words. If your words express hope, support, and are uplifting you show yourself honorable and a person of integrity. If your words spread gossip, or seek revenge, you are showing the world your pettiness and shallowness. You are responsible for when and where you brandish your sword. Reflect upon your words before you express them. Choose your words carefully as they become you to others. You will be revered or reviled both at the same time. If you’ve chosen well with impeccability, you won’t have any regrets. Choose to hold your tongue rather than force others to hold their ears. #NeverFearTheDream
Leadership Lessons From Parenting
There are so many lessons you can learn from Parenting. So many can and should be applied to Leadership.
Lesson: Be present, be calm, be patient, and listen to them;
Employees need you to be there for them. They need you to be present. They need you to be calm and patient and they desperately need you to listen to them. New and senior employees look toward you for support and guidance. They need you to be calm in the face of any calamity. To show limitless patience and support. Also, they have ideas and perspectives which need to be heard and considered. Don’t miss an opportunity to learn just because you are the boss.
Lesson: Let them stumble, fall, and fail; help them up and coach, don’t fix;
As painful as it might be, a good leader will let their staff stumble, fall and fail. The key will be to prove to them you will be there to help pick them up and coach them, guide them. Don’t yield to the extreme temptation of simply fix the problem. Show them they have the insight and capability of resolving the issue, even after a fall.
Lesson: Grow with them before you find yourself treating them as inferior;
Employees grow with every task and especially those they stumbled through. A leader must recognize this growth and maturity. Acknowledge this increasing capability with ever more challenging assignments. Holding them to the same level of tasks shows them you haven’t grown in an appreciation of their capabilities. They will continue to grow in spite of you. Or, they will meet your level of expectation and you both will fail; and it is your fault.
Lesson: No matter what, no matter when, no matter where—just support;
Commit yourself to publicly supporting them, no matter what, when, or where. They rely on your public support and your private constructive criticism. Show your public support, they will follow your lead and support you. Criticize publicly and expect the same in return, or worse behind your back.
Lesson: Don’t play favorites;
Every employee is unique and special. Each has amazing talents as well as faults. Don’t play favorites. Find within each how they best can aid the organization and praise the hell out of what they do. Help each with their unique weakness while they exercise their strengths. Everyone has a key role. Yours is to not play favorites as this will undoubtably be divisive and failure is eminent.
Lesson: There is a forest amidst the trees, sometimes you don’t need to sweat the small stuff;
It is so easy for an employee to focus on the minutia. Help them understand there is a bigger picture. The small parts, while important, must be addressed with the larger objective in view. They are solving a critical part of the whole, but they must know what the whole really is. It’s not their fault if their creative solution is counter to the global objective. There are many solutions to all problems. Let them in on the secret and let them devise solutions to support it.
Lesson: Leadership just as Parenting is something you GET to do every day, not HAVE to do
It’s a privilege to be a leader. If you don’t think so, you shouldn’t be one. You GET to help guide and grow people to be better than they were. You GET to learn from a wide diverse group and then impart knowledge to others. Leadership is an opportunity to grow their future which you GET to champion. None of these you HAVE to do; but, if you feel they are mandatory obligations you shouldn’t be a leader.
Remember, YOU are their example; no pressure……
#NeverFearTheDream
Critical Thinking: Let’s Rethink This
There’s been quite the ferment about Critical Thinking in the last several years. Unfortunately, it is being misrepresented and becoming a lost skill. Critical Thinking is Deep Thinking. It doesn’t come easy, especially in this world of instant gratification and distractions. It is quite often emotionally painful. Critical Thinking forces you to challenge some (all) core beliefs. You may find them to be deceptions or myths. It can push you past the survival thinking mindset we tend to find ourselves entrapped. It will certainly break through the status quo mindset which plagues us.
Embrace curiosity and become a lifelong learner. Don’t be satisfied with what you hear or see on the internet or TV. Force yourself to ask a simple question: ‘Does that really make sense?’. Start thinking, questioning, probing, and researching. Find out for yourself.
Become an active listener rather than an active talker. Listen to other viewpoints. Resist formulating your defense while those viewpoints are being presented. Have patience. Absorb their meaning and implications. Then, reflect on how your experiences support or reject them. When you express yourself, be reflective on what you’ve heard and be respectful.
Take your time in decision making and systematically solve problems. Dissect complex problems to solve them. Try to see the forest and the trees at the same time. The more difficult and complex the problem the more you need a diverse group to solve it. Reach out to others not in your comfort circle for their opinion, theirs might just be the key to resolution. And then, learn to pause before acting. Reflection beforehand can be invaluable.
Deep critical thinking requires a lot of self-reflection. It requires a willingness to accept your ideas, concepts, and beliefs might be wrong. As such, practice a little self-compassion too. Don’t be self-critical but be self-aware and willing to change, if change is needed. The first step is being willing to ask.
Critical thinking has been demonized because it has made a lot of people uncomfortable. The questions have probed long-held beliefs and institutional practices. That’s what you do when you practice Critical Deep Thinking. Relax and enjoy the mental and emotional challenges ahead. Your life will be better for the effort. #NeverFearTheDream
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Striking a Balance With Equality and Equity
Thomas Jefferson metaphorically penned, ‘all men are created equal’ knowing this wasn’t the case. Not only are we not created equal, but we will also live and die that way. Let me ask; as a civil society, should we strive for equality, or equity, or their combination?
We are inundated with initiatives trying to make things equal and to ‘level the playing field’. Enacted Federal and State laws mandate equality. To a great regard those efforts have enabled many to achieve great things. Achievements only a few decades ago they wouldn’t have had the opportunity to even try; let alone succeed. And yet, today we are seeing an extreme backlash of those initiatives. Rejection by those who believe their inherent privileges have been stolen and given to others. Evidently, efforts for equality have resulted in a sense of winners on the backs of losers. Even though their misplaced perception of loss is far far greater than reality.
Could we possibly reframe the discussion away from equality and focus on equity? Should everything be equal? Must the ‘playing field’ be level? Or could we try to find ‘both/and’ solutions rather than ‘either/or’ ones. Solutions where everyone can win and achieve. We could be looking for objective oriented opportunities. Those which encourage everyone to achieve the desired goal.
Not everyone needs the same level of assistance to achieve the same goal. Some don’t need any and some need a lot. Making everything equal may not be the right approach. Overcompensating some while others may still be lacking and fail.
Equity is not equality. Presuming equal opportunity, consider three youngsters wanting to watch a ball game but are on the wrong side of a fence. Their height differs; one tall, one medium and the other, well just short. There is sufficient material to make six, one-foot-tall, boxes for them to stand upon. Equality would be each of them getting two boxes to stand on to watch the game. In this case the tall one, who could almost already see over the fence is over compensated. The middle one can now watch the game. However, the short one is still too short to watch. Everything is equal but the goal wasn’t achieved. Equity would rearrange the boxes to give the tall one, a single box; the middle one two, and the short one would get three boxes. This is clearly not equal. Yet now, each of the children can easily stand and watch the game. Even though the distribution of assets wasn’t equal, the goal is achieved, and everyone is happy with the outcome. Everyone won.
No one ever promised the world would be fair. No one should expect everything to be equal. It just doesn’t work that way. Inequalities surround us. However, all people, must be treated equally, have equal rights, and equal opportunity. Not because it’s the law but because it’s the right thing. Some people are born to privilege, others to poverty. Some are physically or mentally blessed, and others struggle with either or both. Our public policies could consider balancing equality with equity. Can we promote equal opportunity and equity in resource allocation?
Let’s focus on achievement rather than equality. Focus on finding ‘both/and’ solutions rather than defaulting to ‘either/or’. We celebrate Black History Month and recognize the amazing contributions of so many from such meager beginnings. While we learn to treat everyone equally, let’s stop trying to make all things equal and stop sanitizing history. There are some things which need equality and some which would benefit by equity. Those who need more should receive more. Those who need less should be willing to get less. Equality is not equity, and we need both. #NeverFearTheDream
Optics and Perspectives
Can anyone imagine the perspective of someone outside looking at recent critical elections. Imagine optics from their perspective. Is there a difference between armed DOJ officers and State Troops ‘protecting’ ballot boxes and polling centers and armed Russian troops at polling centers in ‘liberated’ Ukraine territories? Is there a difference between ‘little green men’ watching over Crimean voting and ‘masked vigilantes’ watching over those in the U.S.
Surely there’s a difference; surely. Of course, there’s a difference; of course there is. There is isn’t there? No seriously, there is right? Right? Maybe only from our perspective.
Optics and perspectives are everything. Now, let the world press start the spin cycle. Don’t be shocked at how we are not perceived. But of course, there’s a difference; really there is, right? #NeverFearTheDream
Democracy dies with blind loyalty and uninformed, intimidated voting
Democracy dies because of uninformed voters, misinformation, blind loyalty, and masked intimidation. The idea of a people-controlled government necessitates the populist cast ballots and respect the outcome. Your turn to let democracy win is now. Be an informed, knowledgeable, non-single issue, country before party voter. While every vote is sacred, an uninformed, ignorant vote is dangerous because elections have consequences.
Our system of voting, and our form of government, are more at risk today than ever before. It’s up to us to ensure their survival. The risks are real; ignorance, misinformation, intimidation, gerrymandering, and least of all fraud.
The airwaves and multiplatform media are awash with half-truths, slanderous snippets, blatant lies and a never-ceasing, bot propagated, flood of misinformation. Every minute of every day a new incendiary hoax is proliferated to influence the ignorant and the blind followers. It’s hard to pierce through the noise and find the truth. Remember, hate speech isn’t free speech. Those who want to influence voting don’t want you to research and study. Don’t listen to the ridiculous, the outlandish, or the absurd. Stop funding those individuals and organizations which support them. Defy them, study, and research all the issues and candidates. Reach out to the League of Women Voters, read the Voters Pamphlet, question the nonsense. Educate yourself.
Voter intimidation and political violence is on the rise. A dangerous turn of events which cannot be tolerated. Masked and armed people in military garb are now ‘observing’ Arizona polling stations and ballot boxes. These vigilantes, reminiscent of the masked KKK, are afraid to show their identity yet they photograph the voters. Their presence chills the atmosphere of a free and fair election process and heightens the risk of political violence. In today’s polarized election cycle this could be anywhere, not just Arizona, especially after a Federal Judge refused to stop them. Polling centers and ballot boxes must be free of harassment, direct or implied. So, if your ballot box is being watched, cast your ballot, then turn and smile to their masked, cowardly, faces and give them the appropriate digit enhanced wave they deserve.
Gerrymandered voting districts are fundamentally wrong. Party controlled legislatures are redrawing election boundaries for their own benefit not for fair representation. During the years of Jim Crow Laws extraordinary efforts were made to limit black voters by determining the smallest amount of black heritage would disqualify voters. In a reversal of logic southern Republican legislatures are now determining people must have a high degree of blackness to be deemed as black to be a factor in redistricting. A perfect example of the means justifies the end, holding power no matter how unethical.
Voting integrity is an issue and yes, voter fraud did occur in the 2020 election. The Heritage Foundation, a heralded conservative organization, has documented an unimpressive 1380 proven instances of voter fraud across the country. A fraud rate of less than nine proven fraudulent votes per million cast. After spending almost six million dollars on forensic analysis, Arizona determined blatant, systematic, fraud did not take place. Yes, we have a problem but it’s not voter fraud. It’s the Big Lie and those who continue to propagate and benefit from it.
Our democracy is at our mercy. We have a responsibility to be independent informed voters who will politely and with civility take part in the process. We must not, cannot, be guided by blind loyalty, swayed by the attack ads, or the propagation of lies and inuendoes. Voting districts should be established by independent bipartisan commissions, not biased state legislatures. Our democracy depends on us standing up and being counted as thinking individuals, not manipulated party zombies. #NeverFearTheDream
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SimpleBender.....wcb 