Tag: parenting

Posted in Communication

This Christmas, Safe refuge at the kid’s table

Posted on by simplebender

This Christmas, I took a break from the drama and posturing at the adult table and found refuge at the kid’s table.

Yearning for the casual banter of innocence, the insight of young wisdom, and the opportunity to hear the thoughts and words of our future, I decided to sit at the kid’s table. Sitting in smaller chairs, closer to the ground, we may be better grounded than in taller, oversized adult chairs, which these days seem a little too tipsy.

The easy game of Connect the Dots yields winks and laughs as we dabble and play with our food. We chatted and giggled about the presents we had opened and those gifts we still hoped to get. I chuckle at the confused looks as we taste the cranberry sauce and smile as the dressing and mashed potatoes are swirled into a tasty mush.

Overhearing the adults discuss their ‘big people’s topics as I watch the kids. The toast for ‘world peace’ quickly regressed to biting analogies of the Middle East and Ukraine. The younger ones seem more confused as the voices rise. The ‘older ones’ frown and turn away from the tension, showing some disgust at the hypocrisy and arguments. Turning up my hearing aids just a little, I hear one mumble…’ giving aid to one for genocide and taking it away from another fighting for self-defense.’ As their heads shook a little, the simple game of hangman took on new meaning. The table returned to the whispers and giggles of youth as a game or two of tic-tac-toe started. I pondered their insight and perspective and lost the hangman game.

The lighthearted snickers and under-the-table poking were interrupted as another bottle of wine was opened for the adults. A hearty toast at their table as we lifted our glasses of water and mimicked them with our silly smiles and googly eyes. The topics at the big people’s table ebbed and flowed about current events, sports, business, and then back to politics. I shook my head and wished they could listen to us at the kid’s table. We were having fun, laughing, and smiling. Their table got louder as abortion and women’s rights became the main topic. Then the epiphany. One of the girls whispers to another…’ great, the convicted sex predator wants to protect us whether we like it or not…cringe…’ I turned my hearing aids back down, hoping to give them the space they needed and not become the adult at the table.

I thought about what I’d heard at both tables. I wanted to avoid the stress and conflict at the adult table, but I only saw and heard the stress that wafted across the room to the kid’s table. Their young minds are open to so much. Soaking in everything and forming opinions that will drive our world’s future. Too much stress. Too much tension. The heat spilling out of the kitchen to the tables filled with the cornucopia of abundance. We sat there wondering about those with so much less and how fortunate we were. This privileged family has the luxury of having discussions and not worrying about where their next meal is coming from. And yet, these adults don’t realize they may be forming irreversible opinions and generational hate through their terse and tense words.

We, the adults, can impart hope or hate. We can show how to listen and try to understand. It is our choice, and they, the kids, are watching and listening to everything.

My distracted thoughts were interrupted when the youngest leaned over, tapped me, and said, ‘Knock, knock.’ I smiled and thought, ‘Maybe, just maybe, things will be alright’…’ Who’s there?’

NeverFearTheDream     simplebender.com

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This article was first published in the Bend Bulletin 12/26/24

Posted in Philosophy

Leadership Lessons From Parenting

Posted on by simplebender

There are so many lessons you can learn from Parenting. So many can and should be applied to Leadership.

Lesson: Be present, be calm, be patient, and listen to them;

Employees need you to be there for them. They need you to be present. They need you to be calm and patient and they desperately need you to listen to them. New and senior employees look toward you for support and guidance. They need you to be calm in the face of any calamity. To show limitless patience and support. Also, they have ideas and perspectives which need to be heard and considered. Don’t miss an opportunity to learn just because you are the boss.
Lesson: Let them stumble, fall, and fail; help them up and coach, don’t fix;

As painful as it might be, a good leader will let their staff stumble, fall and fail. The key will be to prove to them you will be there to help pick them up and coach them, guide them. Don’t yield to the extreme temptation of simply fix the problem. Show them they have the insight and capability of resolving the issue, even after a fall.
Lesson: Grow with them before you find yourself treating them as inferior;

Employees grow with every task and especially those they stumbled through. A leader must recognize this growth and maturity. Acknowledge this increasing capability with ever more challenging assignments. Holding them to the same level of tasks shows them you haven’t grown in an appreciation of their capabilities. They will continue to grow in spite of you. Or, they will meet your level of expectation and you both will fail; and it is your fault.

Lesson: No matter what, no matter when, no matter where—just support;

Commit yourself to publicly supporting them, no matter what, when, or where. They rely on your public support and your private constructive criticism. Show your public support, they will follow your lead and support you. Criticize publicly and expect the same in return, or worse behind your back.

Lesson: Don’t play favorites;

Every employee is unique and special. Each has amazing talents as well as faults. Don’t play favorites. Find within each how they best can aid the organization and praise the hell out of what they do. Help each with their unique weakness while they exercise their strengths. Everyone has a key role. Yours is to not play favorites as this will undoubtably be divisive and failure is eminent.
Lesson: There is a forest amidst the trees, sometimes you don’t need to sweat the small stuff;

It is so easy for an employee to focus on the minutia. Help them understand there is a bigger picture. The small parts, while important, must be addressed with the larger objective in view. They are solving a critical part of the whole, but they must know what the whole really is. It’s not their fault if their creative solution is counter to the global objective. There are many solutions to all problems. Let them in on the secret and let them devise solutions to support it.
Lesson: Leadership just as Parenting is something you GET to do every day, not HAVE to do

It’s a privilege to be a leader. If you don’t think so, you shouldn’t be one. You GET to help guide and grow people to be better than they were. You GET to learn from a wide diverse group and then impart knowledge to others. Leadership is an opportunity to grow their future which you GET to champion. None of these you HAVE to do; but, if you feel they are mandatory obligations you shouldn’t be a leader.


Remember, YOU are their example; no pressure……