Posted in Joy In Alzheimer's, NeverFeartheDream

Mother’s Day without one…….

This will be the first Mother’s Day without a mother. My wife lost hers many years ago, and I lost mine last September. Many followed her journey with Alzheimer’s on this blog, and our loss is bittersweet.

We take heart knowing they are both now free from pain and sorrow, and we celebrate their lives and the examples they set for us.

For those fortunate enough to still have a mother, cherish her—she won’t be here forever. You’ll miss the phone calls, no matter how confused or zany or time of night and day. You’ll miss the meals and visits. You’ll remember it all because she is FOREVER part of you, both physically and emotionally.

Mothers are SPECIAL they give of themselves selflessly every day. Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms… all of you deserve more than just one day of dedication and celebration because that is what you give all of us………THANK YOU……

You can retrace my Mom’s final journey in:

Posted in Joy In Alzheimer's, NeverFeartheDream

Just Released….

I’m pleased to announce the release of two books that will hopefully inspire and support your daily lives, regardless of your obstacles.

Experience the transformative power of this heart-wrenching true story, Joy in Alzheimer’s. Witness how one woman’s journey through dementia forever changed her and those around her. This book not only sheds light on the effects of Alzheimer’s, but also offers valuable resources and information for those facing similar challenges.

Discover a unifying journey through humanity’s greatest wisdom traditions with Lap Around the Sun: Daily Steps Forward. This daily companion transcends cultural and philosophical boundaries, weaving together the profound insights of Eastern contemplation, Western rational thought, and African communal wisdom into a harmonious collage of human understanding.

I hope you pick them up and enjoy the journey they will take you on.

Books are available on multiple distribution sites, including Kindle, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords as EPUBS and also available in paperback…

Posted in Joy In Alzheimer's

Joy In Alzheimer’s*: Episode 57: Eulogy

Joy was an amazing woman, friend, wife, and mother. Her ninety-one years were filled with love for everyone she met, adventure, and a caring spirit right to the end. Joy passed on September 22, 2024. Some of her final words were, ‘I’m the most blessed person in the world.’ We didn’t have the heart to tell her it was us, all of us, whom she made the most blessed just by being her and being part of our lives.

Joy was born in far west Texas in 1933 as the depression was slowing ending. She grew up on a farm/ranch learning to keep everything, ‘just in case,’ and more importantly, acceptance. Her playmates and friends on the ranch and the small school were of mixed races and religions. She imparted her conviction of acceptance to her sons, their friends, and hers.

Joy didn’t just study the Bible; she lived its teachings. She brought her love of people, all people, to the Presbyterian Session and helped guide her church to be inclusive and welcoming, to teach lessons of life, and to be better neighbors. Joy often said she prayed twice because she was so engaged in the church choir.

Joy would often say the only thing she ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. She was terrific at both. She was a dedicated, loving wife. She traveled the backroads of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and Wyoming, living and starting a family in a trailer with her life partner as he worked the mining fields and mineral exploration projects. These were her ‘nomad’ years, which were at times lonely and hard but mostly filled with adventure and broadening experiences.

To us, she was the best mom and mom to our friends. To her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, she was the best Momo ever. She was always there. She always had a hand to hold when ours were scared and trembling. She always had kind, loving, supporting words, teaching us the lessons she felt she needed to impart. She took all our friends under her wing and gave them the same love and attention she gave us. She opened our home and welcomed anyone who needed a place to stay. She didn’t care about gender, race, or religion; they were our friends, and therefore, they were her extra children, whom she loved.

Joy was an accomplished lady when women weren’t necessarily supposed to be. She earned a teaching degree and worked as a substitute teacher. Then, she returned to college fifteen years later, earning a Bachelor of Science in Library Science. Joy was a fantastic Cub Scout Den Mother. She was instrumental in converting the high school from a PTA to a PTSA because she believed the student’s opinions should be heard. Joy was a religious leader and was one of the first women Deacons and Elders in the local Presbyterian church. Joy strenuously advocated for a new neighborhood hospital and gave testimony before the Texas State Legislature. But Joy was most proud to be on the Board of Directors of the Lee Moor Children’s Home in El Paso. She was a tireless advocate for the children and their future. And Joy was always one who never turned down a glass of wine or a piece of Dove dark chocolate. Cheers, Joy….

Joy knew time with people was more special than any task. She spent time making a friend with everyone and helping whenever she could. Ironically, that helping hand became her downfall. She would be all right with that if she could remember. Joy lived with the idea that if you want to go fast, you go alone; if you want to go far, take someone with you. She took many of us by the hand and took us along on an incredible journey. A person’s reach should be longer than their grasp. Joy’s reach has touched so many far, far, beyond her grasp, and we are all much, so much better because of her. She will never be gone as long as we remember her and tell her stories.

Next up….Epilogue

NeverFearTheDream    #JoyInAlzheimer’s    simplebender.com

Posted in Joy In Alzheimer's, Philosophy

Joy In Alzheimer’s

Prologue

Let’s just be honest; there is no joy in Alzheimer’s; however, Joy, my mom, is in the middle of it….so ‘Joy In Alzheimer’s’ is where we are. This is an attempt to follow her through this unwinnable battle. To open-up about how the mental disease affects her and those who care and love her. So, how did her long journey down a narrowing path come to this point. A path which no longer has a safety net. Where every stumble, on her old uncertain legs and weakened mind, can lead to uncontrolled dementia and deep dark recesses.

Joy’s road, like most with Alzheimer’s, started long before anyone really knew. My dad passed away over 15 years ago and since then Joy has lived alone. My nephew and his family lived nearby for several years. To their credit they reported subtle changes in her mental abilities. Being remote, the rest of the family dismissed the observations as ‘she’s just getting older’. Six years ago, we moved her from her west Texas home of over 50 years to an independent living facility in central Oregon. Now closer, we could see some subtle changes which age alone couldn’t explain. Three falls, with head injury, just compounded the problem. She began to lose the ability to pay bills and her ‘book-keeping’ went from taking a few hours to taking a few weeks.

We took her to a neurologist under the pretext of getting a baseline assessment after her third fall. The appointment went well. The neurologist wasn’t overly concerned with her cognitive test results. The diagnosis changed at the next appointment six months later. The doctor was concerned with the delusional episodes, the money management deterioration, but the illustration below sort of tipped the scales.

Within six months we had moved her to an assisted living facility, before the independent one was forced to ask us to move her. That’s where she is now and has been for over a year and a half; even though she’ll tell you she just moved in and has changed apartments five or six times, and the entire complex has been rotated around several times.

This was the start of our journey with her down that long narrowing path. We have found humor, character, courage, and sadness along the way. I’m sure we will find more as we continue. These will be the stories I tell, and I’m always interested in comments and support as we try to help each other. We are all on journeys and we shouldn’t judge the paths we are all on. We should just extend a hand and help. You never know, you might be the safety net so many of those with Alzheimer’s and those who are their care partners really need.

NeverFearTheDream simplebender.com @simplebender.bsky.social Stand For Truth