Tag: #assumptions

Posted in Communication

Assumptions Are Exhausting

Posted on by simplebender

Assumptions are exhausting because they require us to use energy on things we don’t really understand. They are those quiet, baseless conclusions we form from observation, experience, memory, and perception — often with less evidence than we’d like to admit. They may seem helpful or even protective, but more often they distort reality and hinder our ability to think and live clearly.

It helps to pause now and then to examine them. Many of our assumptions persist not because they are true, but because they are comfortable. They fit our preferred storyline. That’s why their challenge is uncomfortable. Our experiences shape us, from which, we build expectations about people, outcomes, and motives. But assumptions usually are about others’ intentions and actions. When we presume we understand someone else without understanding what shaped them, we set ourselves up for frustration, disappointment, needless conflict, and likely failure.

Assumptions are false knowledge which drain us as they give a false sense of preparedness. We rehearse a likely reaction, expect a certain outcome, and convince ourselves we know what will happen. Then life surprises us, and we must put in even more mental and emotional effort to adjust to what we never truly saw coming. The expense of recovering from false certainty is typically greater than the effort required to honestly assess uncertainty from the outset.

We live this out every day in small ways. That moment of surprise—’I didn’t see that coming’—is often when our assumption fell apart. Surprise is unavoidable, but unnecessary disappointment is not. The more we question our assumptions, the more flexible, calm, and clear-headed we become.

Recognize and avoid arrogant certainty. Question your perceptions. Reevaluate your beliefs and risks. Expect others to be more complicated. Plan for life to turn out differently than you expect. You might not avoid every surprise, but you can avoid falling for the exhausting illusion of assumptions false knowledge.  NeverFearTheDream   simplebender.com

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Posted in Philosophy

Third Promise…Never Make Assumptions

Posted on by simplebender

Third of a four-part series based on “The Four Agreements – A Toltec Wisdom Book”, by Ruiz

There are four personal promises which might transform your life. This is the third of these promises. Promise to:

Your third personal promise –Never make assumptions:

Clear communication with others, at best, is complicated and difficult. Be curious and courageous by asking them questions without making assumptions. Don’t think you know the width and breadth of their comments without asking them questions. The real danger of assumptions is we believe they are true without discovery. They are based on your experience and are likely to be significantly different than the speakers’ intent and direction.

The sadness and drama we witness, and experience is rooted in us making assumptions and taking things personally (breaking our second promise). It is always better to listen empathically and ask questions rather than setting yourself up for pain by assuming. We see and hear what we want to based on our experiences, motivations, and fear. We don’t want to hear anything contrary. We perceive things the way we want , not necessarily how they really are or how others see them.

Our biggest assumption is believing everyone sees life the same way as ourselves. Assume they think the way we think, feel and judge the same way. Or worse yet, we believe they should. Assuming our common experiences overshadow our uncommon ones, which are the ones which make us unique in a society. We must ask and probe to uncover peoples’ real meaning and intent. We simply cannot assume what they are.

Making assumptions in a relationship is more likely to result in conflict rather than accord. They will lead to more misunderstandings, difficulties, and suffering with those we care for than anyone else. We must have the courage to ask them questions before we embark on justifying and explaining to make ourselves feel safe. Make them feel safe first by truly understanding their intent and meaning. You shouldn’t fear being yourself with your loved ones. Love them unconditionally. We are all different and our task isn’t to change them but accept them; as we want them to accept us.

Keep yourself focused on not making assumptions by practicing asking questions and being interested; not judgmental. As you begin to learn how easy it can be to ask questions you will find it easier to ask for what you want as well. Everyone has the right not to answer your questions, but you will never really know unless you initiate the questions.

UP NEXT: DO YOUR BEST, ALWAYS       #NeverFearTheDream